My wellness journey didn't start until recent years. Growing up mental health wasn't really a conversation that was had in my family, it was more of a distant idea that we had heard about but never thought we’d need to experience. The concept of therapy was something that wasn’t necessarily despised, but it wasn't something that was encouraged either. Essentially there was this unspoken idea that psychological help was only available and necessary to those who “really needed it.” And according to the people around me… I wasn’t one of those people.
So as for myself I never knew that I could have access to such help. As the years continued on it became very clear that there wasn’t really an open space to grow in my mental health and wellness. I was very emotionally unstable and wasn’t great at clearly expressing my needs to those around me. It actually wasn’t until I became a follower of Christ, a little over 7 years ago, that I was placed in an environment that allowed me to become more emotionally intelligent and self-aware.
Within the past 7 years I’ve had numerous emotional outbursts and breakdowns, I’ve said extremely hurtful things to the closest people in my life, I’ve started and stopped multiple projects, I’ve endured many spouts of depression and have had more panic attacks than can be counted on two hands. But in the midst of it all one thing that continues to be true is that God’s grace really is sufficient for me.
Because of God's grace I have the strength to not only keep persevering, but I have hope that God will continue to transform my life as he always has. Within the past year and a half God has graciously allowed me to have great conversations about my mental health with friends and family, he’s allowed me to receive free therapy thanks to my work benefits, through which I was able to learn that I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). So essentially this means that I am deeply affected by everything and everyone. I can easily adopt the emotions of others, and the smallest change in my surrounding environment can create a big shift in my mentality.
Being an HSP has also led to me having obsessive compulsive tendencies in order to try and regulate how I feel in certain situations. But honestly being an HSP isn’t all bad. It also allows me to connect with people in a different way, it’s given me a rich inner life (your private thoughts, desires, spirituality, fantasies, resilience, ability to love etc.) It allows me to deeply enjoy even the smallest pleasantries. I can honestly say I wouldn’t want to live any other way.
Currently, my wellness journey consists of actively taking note of my actions and dissecting them to understand why I do what I do, clearly communicating my needs/mood, as well as owning my sensitivity and not feeling the need to try and change my level of sensitivity for the sake of others (which btw isn’t a likely scenario for someone who is an HSP). Thankfully because of Jesus I have access to heavenly attributes that will continue to strengthen me spiritually and emotionally. I’m so grateful for my relationship with God, he continues to be my peace and continues to still my heart and mind in this chaotic world. Jesus really is the ultimate healer, especially when it comes to the heart.
One of the scriptures I’ve been meditating on is Psalm 103:1-8;
Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel: The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
This Psalm has been an amazing reminder of God's incomparable goodness, love, and never-ending help in my times of need. Verse four says that God redeems us from a pit and crowns us with love and compassion. Historically the word crown indicates a consecrated or exalted role/position. And so, when the bible says that God crowns us it means he has consecrated and exalted us with his love and compassion, hence redeeming our lives from the pit.
When I reflect on this I am strengthened and encouraged to know that it is by the very love and compassion of God that builds me up. That any of the ways that I am lacking or unable to come to terms with how I’m feeling I can reflect on the love that God has crowned me with and be encouraged. I think one of the biggest things that I’ve struggled with in my life is feeling misunderstood. And when you’re misunderstood by people it also becomes difficult to feel loved by people. But with God he knows me completely, and he loves me completely which brings me so much comfort and confidence as I continue to grow in my wellness journey.
With love,
Courtney
Guest Contributor: Courtney is a Bay Area native, currently living in Chicago IL! As a Christian creative and photographer, Courtney's a huge believer in the impact of content creation. She inspires women (and men) around the world to embrace both faith + wellness in a way that allows them to co-exist.
instagram.com/@bloom.court
instagram.com/@breathepausebe
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