Trust Issues. We all have them, don’t we? Or maybe it’s just me. The funny thing is, we don’t know we lack trust until we’re placed in a situation where the lack of it is clear. I experienced this recently when I was let go from a job I didn’t want.
“How will I make money now?"
“Where will I go?"
“What will I do?"
“Does any job want me?”
These were the thoughts that came to mind.
Instead of getting lost in the “what ifs,” I had to remind myself who God is: empathetic, compassionate, forgiving, and sovereign—even in the midst of confusion. Right after being let go, I went on a prayer walk to ask God how I got to this predicament. I was in a new state (moved to Indiana from Illinois), living with a married couple I didn’t know and, at that specific moment, unemployed. I had no one to turn to but Him.
To give you a better picture of how I got here, let me tell you where I was a year ago.
It started when my hormonal disorder (PCOS) had symptoms that started spiraling out of control. Next, my heart was broken by an unrequited interest. I also watched many dear friends leave the fellowship I attended, which added to the heartbreak. Then, my roommates and I dealt with a psychologically disruptive neighbor for a year. In October, I was robbed at gunpoint and began dealing with PTSD for a time. Towards the end of the year, I received an unexpected pay cut that lowered my income significantly. It didn't help that my car continued to have new problems each week. On top of everything else, I was feeling lonely and neglected.
Honestly, I felt like I was dying physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I was losing hope.
But most people wouldn’t know because I wasn’t transparent with myself. Looking back now I realized I was getting bitter at people. And most of all, I was bitter at God.
There was no peace, security, or comfort in my life. It was normal for me to be in survival mode and I didn’t know how to get out. I didn’t feel like I had the space to share what I was really feeling with God, let alone with other people. I thought I needed to be strong, so I hid my weaknesses from those closest to me. I thought I needed to know it all, so I failed to ask for help. I thought I needed to do it all on my own, so I didn’t let anyone in. My relationship with God became shallow because I thought the solution relied on me.
“I need a new job, then I’ll be happy.” “I need better friends, then I’ll be happy.” “I need therapy, then I’ll be happy.” “I need to leave this city, then I’ll be happy.” These were all the thoughts that came to mind during this time.
I sought happiness everywhere except in God. But God, in His infinite wisdom, has a way of teaching us lessons so we can see the bigger picture.
In each of these struggles, I would have been at peace had I trusted God instead of trying to be Him.
Would my circumstances turn out differently? I don’t know.
But, my attitude and responses to difficulties would have changed.
It took me a while but once I acknowledged my lack of trust, I chose to repent and began rebuilding that trust in Him.
Since then, I’ve been praying and reading my Bible more than ever. I’ve discovered a strong link between trust in God and transparency. My trust in God is reflected in my willingness to be transparent with Him—the good, the bad, and the ugly. There’s a verse in James that gave me new perspective during this journey: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4, NIV)
Not. Lacking. Anything.
In another translation (NLT), the end of verse 4 reads “needing nothing.” I’ve come to believe that true, spiritual maturity just means needing nothing but God. God allowed these trials in my life to reveal areas of spiritual immaturity: how I manage my job, my finances, my relationships, and most importantly, my relationship with myself/health.
Being in need showed me where I needed God the most.
“The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.” (Psalm 23:1, NLT)
If you've been experiencing similar struggles, I encourage you to start by being honest with yourself—and with God. Sometimes, you need to let God know you’re mad at Him, or disappointed, or even feeling betrayed. God is a relational being and trusting Him is the first step.
Bonus Story: Why did she let me go?
Maybe you’re wondering why I was “let go” on my first day. I have never been fired before so I wanted to know too. While exiting the restaurant, I pulled aside the manager to ask why she was letting me go. In short, she explained that she knew I was looking for temporary work (which was true) while I sought a full time job. She explained that the serving job was not worth my time or energy because it would affect my performance if I found full time employment. She encouraged me to apply for jobs I actually wanted because, in her words, I was overqualified for the work I was hired to do. She advised me to trust God on my journey and to wait (even if it’s a long time) to find a job I genuinely love. It was definitely discipling from God, and getting fired turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
Are you trusting God today?
Guest Contributor: "Manilyn Mae is an artist of life with a knack for seeing the beauty in things, people or her circumstances. Her music is a reflection of the feelings and experiences that go unexpressed in her world. Follow along her journey and more on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok!"
Instagram: http://instagram.com/manilynxmae
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@manilynxmae
This is so powerful
Relating it so well
I have come to accept that letting God lead is the way because I have always relied on my own understanding
You can never force a career or a job or certain thing to go the way you want. It don’t work like that💯
Life is for the living to serve christ 🩶🩶